oooooh...don't you look back. ("rumours" side i, track 4)

today, and everyday, is a gift. i know this because every morning i have a tiny present wrapped in brown paper and blue ribbon sitting outside of my door. it's usually just a tiny box full of diamonds or just a real gold nugget in the shape of a tiny box wrapped in brown paper and blue ribbon. none of this is true. except the part of everyday being a gift. that part is true.

i've had a weird few years. some parts of that time were AWESOME--- i mean just freaking great. to illustrate my point about everyday being a gift of awesome proportions, i will compile of list of the positive things i've been experiencing lately, and the negative things that have taught me more about who i am.
POSITIVES:
-i graduated from college. (this was an incredible feat for me because i have a.d.d. and i am quite possibly the worst student on the planet. seriously. i do not know how to study. i'm terrible with deadlines. large groups of human beings tend to piss me off most of the time. i hate desks. i'm not good at citing sources in MLA, APA, chicago, sacramento, tallahassee, or POOP styles. [those last 3, i've actually never heard of, but i'm sure they're real research writing styles.] i am terrific at wasting time and procrastinating. etc.)
-i had a job doing something i NEVER expected to do...teaching 7th grade life science. that turned out to be one of the best jobs i've ever had in my whole life and the kids changed me (i hope none of them read this because i don't want them to know how much i love them, or to see how i don't use capitalization) and how i see the world. it's crazy how that works out.
-i met some of the most incredible people i've ever known: unexpected people who, if i were close-minded, i may never have even talked to.
-i lost about 80 pounds in a year with the support of one of my best friends in the world...she lost about 70 pounds too. we are incredible human beings.
-i fell more in love with music, if that is even possible.
-i moved to richmond, va- the greatest city ever built (well...to me it is...at this moment).
-i saw incubus for the 5th time and because the show was on a random week night and it wasn't sold out, i got to MOVE CLOSER TO BRANDON BOYD FOR FREE.
-i realized who my extremely real friends are and i vowed to never lose touch with them. and i haven't.
-i got another incredible job i never expected to have, teaching one on one to students with autism.
-i got promoted to full time day school teaching assisant at said job this month, and will get benefits AND be able to take classes at VCU for free if i so choose (i already said how terrible i am at being a college student, but i'm going to do it anyway BECAUSE IT'S FREE.)
-i may have met and fallen in love with the man i want to marry (this is hilarious and may even sound like something that should go on the "negatives" list, but i'm grasping it and accepting it and i'm totally okay with it. if i don't end up with him, at least i had the feeling of knowing exactly what i wanted for that moment in my life) and he is everything i always wanted but never thought i would find.
-i reunited with old friends who have and will become permanent fixtures in my life.
-i drink coffee. almost exclusively.
-i have kept the same plant alive for a year and 6 months.
-i've read and reread some great books.
-i know that i can survive without the things that are terrible for me.
-i know who i am. i found the me i've been waiting to become for a long time. i realized what i didn't like about myself and about society, and i made myself into the person i admire most and who i think others might admire as well. i respect myself more than i've ever done and because of that respect, i can honestly say i LOVE who i am. i love everything about me. those of you who know me will not see this statement as egotistical...you'll see it as a giant breakthrough.
-my resolution was just the word, "control". i'm going to take control of my life (my finances, my job, my self esteem, my SELF, my sins, my weaknesses, my strengths) and be an even better version of me.
-i no longer worry about what everyone else my age is doing with their lives. they're not me.
-everything in my life is God's will.

there are probably about a thousand other positive things i could say about myself and about the past few years. and tons of negative things, too. i might save those for a different day. i mean, i'm not perfect, so a relapse is bound to happen within the next few weeks...or hours. i initially thought i would share those negative things, but i really don't feel like it right now. i'm too content at the moment to dig it up. plus, who wants to read negative nonsense?

i take that back. people love to read about suffering, usually because it gives them something with which they can relate or compare their lives. unfortunately for those readers, i'm in control of this blog, so i'm not giving them the pleasure.

i urge you to write a positive/negative list for your life at this very moment. start with the positives. if you dig deeply enough, you'll think of so many great things, the negative stuff will just kind of melt away.

<3

my very important emotional interview with james.

tonight, i completed an interview by my sweet friend james. he decided to use me because i'm an educator. i was so thrilled to be a part of his project, and now i really want to share it with you...whoever "you" are. on some of these questions, i got really emotional. which is hilarious, because i NEVER get emotional.

that's a lie. i just lied right to your face. i'm sorry.

anyway, here is said interview, in its entirety. i'd love to hear what you think. please comment, or send me a message.

Note: there is a part where i discuss the internet and computers and whatnot and you might read it and think "wow, she's a hypocrite for dogging the internet when she is using the internet right now to post this blog! ignorant hussy!" BUT, in my defense, i'm posting this via the internet because that is the fastest and most reliable way to communicate at this point in our lives. so there's that.

alright. grab a glass of your favorite beverage. settle in. here it comes.

1. Drawing upon your experience in teaching and the education system, what can you say about decline or vibrancy in American education? Do you have a generally negative or positive view?

I feel as though education is an ever-changing part of culture. As few as 10 years ago, children were being taught different subjects. Not just the subjects have changed, but the way subjects are presented is different as well. There are certain subjects like shorthand, cursive writing, and Home Economics that are no longer offered in schools because unfortunately, they are no longer very necessary. I of course am all for moving forward, but I learned a lot in Home Economics that a lot of students today may never understand. It was in that class that I was taught how to balance a checkbook, basic measurements and amounts in cooking, and how to repair ripped stitches and loose buttons. While those are small tasks, they are still important to everyday living. As for the WAY subjects are taught, I have mixed feelings. Since times are changing and standards are different, I believe that “teaching to the test” is the only way to help students succeed in the future (i.e. go to college, etc.) because that’s how things are in our society now. I do NOT think it’s the “right way”, however. Most of the knowledge that has helped me in life has not been an item from a standardized test. I learned by experience, most people do. So going unit by unit in a text book, then being tested on the material does not sit well with me. I need lessons presented in a way that I will always remember them. Workbooks don’t help students hold on to important information, just like big stressful tests don’t prove how much a student knows. Every single student is different: they learn differently, test differently, and have different outcomes. I suppose this leads me to say I have a negative view on American education. Maybe I always will, unless something changes. The first thing that should change is No Child Left Behind, because inevitable there will ALWAYS be a child left behind when everyone is judged by the same standard.

2. Having traveled throughout the United States, what can you say about discrepancies in education quality and quality of life in various regions of the nation? Is this an improving or worsening situation?

Obviously the quality of life differs in every region. It’s hard to say whether it’s improving or worsening because each state has a different set of rules or standards, but I’m pretty sure it’s worsening. I don’t know a lot about the school situations in other states. I know that in many of the numbered public schools in New York City, and in any city really, schools struggle because they have less money in their budgets to bring about positive changes. In our own state, there are a lot of schools located in low economic areas. These schools are employed by intelligent teachers who are trying to make a difference, but without funding they can only do so much. I don’t want to say that education is a joke, but many public schools and communities really suffer when it comes to “giving back” to their students. Therefore, the education quality suffers as well. Students may be discouraged, so they may give up on education all together, leading to an incredibly low quality of life. I think education and quality of life go hand in hand. If communities don’t give back or find a way to put public schools on a higher shelf than they do right now, we may end up with an even larger number of students giving up. Right now is the time to fix it.

3. Describe the culture of America that can be found in every state or region throughout the nation, if you believe it so exists.

I don’t know if America has a “culture” anymore. Any person who calls him or herself an “American” has grown up with a different set of values. There are different values and cultures found in the same FAMILIES, let alone in the same country. The United States has always been referred to as “the melting pot” and I can’t think of a better name for it, though now it doesn’t just refer to race or ethnicity. This country is occupied by humans of different races, ethnicities, cultures, ways of learning, etc. The only “culture” I can think of that is common in every state or region of America, is “human”, and that is where it ends.

4. Compared to other nations that you have visited, do you believe the United States is still in a position of superiority in areas such as education, economics, standard of living, happiness, etc.? Do you believe this position is in decline?

I can honestly say that compared to the few places I have been (Costa Rica; Haiti; Pyatigorsk, Russia; Puerto Rico) the United States is still in a position of superiority in economics, standard of living, and the amount of supplies we have for education. I do NOT believe the US is superior in the area of happiness and maybe even in the quality of education. Sure things are comfortable here. Our students get to have lunch every day; they get to read textbooks, use computers and the internet. They have paper to write on and desks to sit in. All of those luxuries that students (and many teachers) take for granted are wonderful things to have. I believe that students raised in America and taught in American schools are sufficient in the jobs available in our country. Of course I think that is very important, but like I said earlier, the simple tasks needed just to get by on our own are no longer taught. If someday, the internet just stops, or if cell phones are no longer working, our country will really suffer. There are no longer classes on how to grow your own crops, or raise your own livestock; farming is becoming a lost art. Cooking is impossible without knowing how to measure certain things. Simple addition and subtraction are necessary to make sure you have enough money to pay for things. Without those little lessons on how to do important tasks, we suffer. People no longer read encyclopedias, or use actual books. Instead, everything is pumped into our phone screens from a database online. I’m guilty of it as well. If I have a question about something, like the time I got a flat and I needed to change a tire, I immediately used my phone to “google” it. It’s convenient and it’s helpful, and I appreciate its existence, but I should already know how to do that. It wasn’t taught to me in high school, I had to learn how to do so from youtube. If I had been in a real jam, like in an area with no service in a snowstorm at midnight, I could have frozen to death. My point is, we’re not prepared for everything that comes our way. So while the quality of education is considered high in America, it is still lacking in the basic skills department. As for happiness, well, we should be ecstatic, but we’re not. Our nation is greedy and we always want more. I never realized it more until I went to Russia and visited 4 orphanages FULL of the most joyful children and young adults I have ever seen in my entire life. They literally had NOTHING but the clothing on their backs. And it wasn’t just the orphans, it was everyone. Everyone was delighted to be alive. My mission group was renovating and repairing a boarding school there during their summer break and the students happily came to meet us and help us. Imagine repairing a school in America and seeing every student walk up and offer help while smiling. It’s hard to picture, isn’t it? So, yes; America is wealthy and lucky and well off, but our society is not happier or better than everyone.

5. How has multiculturalism affected American society? Is it new or old, good or bad?

Multiculturalism has come into American society slowly. I think many Americans are still getting used to it. Anytime there are new people on your “turf” things change. It’s hard to say whether it’s good or bad because I’m just one person, and my opinions may not match my neighbor’s opinions. I believe that multiculturalism is a wonderful thing. It teaches us how huge the world is and how many things shaped “our culture”, which I mentioned earlier, is extremely vast and unique because we have so many facets. To the future generations, I hope that multiculturalism can be seen just as “culture” in general. We’re all human. We’re all different. We should ALL be accepted and not categorized.

if you stuck it out and read this entire interview, i'll give you a dollar next time i see you. or a hug. whichever one i have handy.