oooooh...don't you look back. ("rumours" side i, track 4)

today, and everyday, is a gift. i know this because every morning i have a tiny present wrapped in brown paper and blue ribbon sitting outside of my door. it's usually just a tiny box full of diamonds or just a real gold nugget in the shape of a tiny box wrapped in brown paper and blue ribbon. none of this is true. except the part of everyday being a gift. that part is true.

i've had a weird few years. some parts of that time were AWESOME--- i mean just freaking great. to illustrate my point about everyday being a gift of awesome proportions, i will compile of list of the positive things i've been experiencing lately, and the negative things that have taught me more about who i am.
POSITIVES:
-i graduated from college. (this was an incredible feat for me because i have a.d.d. and i am quite possibly the worst student on the planet. seriously. i do not know how to study. i'm terrible with deadlines. large groups of human beings tend to piss me off most of the time. i hate desks. i'm not good at citing sources in MLA, APA, chicago, sacramento, tallahassee, or POOP styles. [those last 3, i've actually never heard of, but i'm sure they're real research writing styles.] i am terrific at wasting time and procrastinating. etc.)
-i had a job doing something i NEVER expected to do...teaching 7th grade life science. that turned out to be one of the best jobs i've ever had in my whole life and the kids changed me (i hope none of them read this because i don't want them to know how much i love them, or to see how i don't use capitalization) and how i see the world. it's crazy how that works out.
-i met some of the most incredible people i've ever known: unexpected people who, if i were close-minded, i may never have even talked to.
-i lost about 80 pounds in a year with the support of one of my best friends in the world...she lost about 70 pounds too. we are incredible human beings.
-i fell more in love with music, if that is even possible.
-i moved to richmond, va- the greatest city ever built (well...to me it is...at this moment).
-i saw incubus for the 5th time and because the show was on a random week night and it wasn't sold out, i got to MOVE CLOSER TO BRANDON BOYD FOR FREE.
-i realized who my extremely real friends are and i vowed to never lose touch with them. and i haven't.
-i got another incredible job i never expected to have, teaching one on one to students with autism.
-i got promoted to full time day school teaching assisant at said job this month, and will get benefits AND be able to take classes at VCU for free if i so choose (i already said how terrible i am at being a college student, but i'm going to do it anyway BECAUSE IT'S FREE.)
-i may have met and fallen in love with the man i want to marry (this is hilarious and may even sound like something that should go on the "negatives" list, but i'm grasping it and accepting it and i'm totally okay with it. if i don't end up with him, at least i had the feeling of knowing exactly what i wanted for that moment in my life) and he is everything i always wanted but never thought i would find.
-i reunited with old friends who have and will become permanent fixtures in my life.
-i drink coffee. almost exclusively.
-i have kept the same plant alive for a year and 6 months.
-i've read and reread some great books.
-i know that i can survive without the things that are terrible for me.
-i know who i am. i found the me i've been waiting to become for a long time. i realized what i didn't like about myself and about society, and i made myself into the person i admire most and who i think others might admire as well. i respect myself more than i've ever done and because of that respect, i can honestly say i LOVE who i am. i love everything about me. those of you who know me will not see this statement as egotistical...you'll see it as a giant breakthrough.
-my resolution was just the word, "control". i'm going to take control of my life (my finances, my job, my self esteem, my SELF, my sins, my weaknesses, my strengths) and be an even better version of me.
-i no longer worry about what everyone else my age is doing with their lives. they're not me.
-everything in my life is God's will.

there are probably about a thousand other positive things i could say about myself and about the past few years. and tons of negative things, too. i might save those for a different day. i mean, i'm not perfect, so a relapse is bound to happen within the next few weeks...or hours. i initially thought i would share those negative things, but i really don't feel like it right now. i'm too content at the moment to dig it up. plus, who wants to read negative nonsense?

i take that back. people love to read about suffering, usually because it gives them something with which they can relate or compare their lives. unfortunately for those readers, i'm in control of this blog, so i'm not giving them the pleasure.

i urge you to write a positive/negative list for your life at this very moment. start with the positives. if you dig deeply enough, you'll think of so many great things, the negative stuff will just kind of melt away.

<3