and a sun to maybe dissipate shadows of the mess you made

all it takes is one or two songs and i'm back down where i was. honestly i felt fine and strong and now my heart is heavy and i'm sick. it doesn't even matter where i am. i can be at the gates of heaven or i can be onstage accepting my award for being the best at something, or i can be about to drift to sleep after a nice day, and my heart will heave. if i listen to mykonos by fleet foxes or two weeks by grizzly bear, or gideon by my morning jacket, or any song that resembles the likes of the ones i mentioned, i want to explode. and what i don't understand is why. why is it that this type of music moves me in a way that i can't explain? it's heart wrenching. it actually, physically hurts me. i'm in my room alone and i'm happy to be alive and then the air is sucked out of me and the room becomes a tiny closet with the cracks sealed. and i can't breathe. and i feel like i'm lying to myself. and the very worst part about it is that i know it's only me that feels this way, and i don't know if it's ever going to go away.